Letter for my Brother (Delhi — 2014)

Mumbai — Oct 2014

Standing face to face,
Retracing routes of origin-

Some discarded,

Most forgotten.
Bound by the same blood,

Conjoined and plagued-

By the same memories.

Life had found us,

Confounded at the sudden equilibrium-
Where silence artlessly,

Formed the words.
And wordlessly -

Thought trails,

Tendrilled into our hearts.

The beat was of freedom-

As also melancholy,

That night.
Telepathic, the connection-
Each knew what the other lay silent,

Thinking and overthinking.
As the expressionless eyes,

Formed the dark pools of strength -

A doorway to a mystical future.
Holding hands,
We imparted the much needed courage,
To take the leap-
Make the change

To start the new chapter.

Yet a part of me tore,
Stricken and afraid,
At the obscurity of unity ahead-
As also my selfish act of walking alone.
So far, we’d lived

As two lone rangers -

Circling through life,

Gliding over the ebbs and tides-

Carving our own niche,

As footholds, in the sand.

No matter the distance,

It’s each other that we’d sought -

To hold the pieces together,

And be the shoulder,

Against all the rains.
Tonight, over the candle-light,

As I’d looked at my brother’s face,
Slightly older and harder now -

Ashen perhaps too,

With no traces of the cherubic innocence

That had gilded his growing up years-

I shot a silent prayer of mercy-

For a miracle to happen soon.
Closest of all,

My brother would always stand-
As my solitary support,
Against all forged

Or forced relations.
The only testimony to love and a link-
To oneness and humanity.
Leaving him alone,
To chase the dark clouds of dreams-
Seemed heartless.
But the claustrophobia of the current context-
Seemed to suffocate,
Where the inner scream

Dwindled away, unheard and unvoiced.
My brother was the only one,

Who was privy to the inner doubts -
The truth and it’s intensity.
Torn tonight,

I could only lose myself in prayers-
Of being united soon.
Be the peas of the same pod-
And share the comfort

That we’d cocooned ourselves with.
The care showered on me so far-
Is new and childishly clung on to-
The wall-less synchronization-
Treasured and yearned for.
I prayed for the light

Through the dark,
Praying too,

For my twin-flame

To be happy too.
The dependence,
Mutual and gladly shared
And now a need
That only he could fulfil.